there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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