it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
