After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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