What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
