My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
