fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
