An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
