I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
