I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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