By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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