I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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