just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
