ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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