i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
