i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
