When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
