And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
