shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
