At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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