just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
