New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
