saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
