Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
