i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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