im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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