Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
