that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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