So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
handjob tips. give me some.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't put those talents on a resume
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
