I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
