did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
