I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
