Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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