just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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