I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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