I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If i come over, it means nothing
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
