You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
