It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
