well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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