The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
