On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
