margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
