I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
