I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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