Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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