apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
