come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
