I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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