I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did i walk over a car last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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