i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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