4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
